You Don't Even Know Me

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2009-02-07T12:46:00.001-08:00

A broken clock is just a broken clock, but what about a broken body? I wish I had thought of this earlier. No one's a cliché, not even me.

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2009-02-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

God is a flawed representative of the world who, clearly, has taken too many PR courses for his own good.

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2009-02-02T12:50:00.000-08:00

Funny how less than a year after he did that to me, I did the exact same thing to someone else. Now I understand why he did it. I hope the unlucky bloke I did it to will do it to someone else... and understand too. I'm so sorry. It's a chain reaction, and it will never stop. I'm free of this now. I reached closure. And I forgive him.

Goodbye, darling. I'm so much better now. Thank you, universe. I needed this.

wasn't mine to send away. She belonged to no one. She was everyone.

2009-01-31T12:47:00.001-08:00

Is our karmic connection strong enough?

I wanted to say, but I couldn't because she wasn't mine. She

2009-01-30T11:31:00.000-08:00

Today something annoying happened. And I got so pissed off, I started screaming inside me to the universe, saying I'd had it and that it was time to have a little talk. So the universe and I had a little chat, or, actually, I had a little monologue and the universe listened. It really listened patiently as I set some ground rules that should apply from now on, like "This will never happen again, instead this will happen" and "This will happen more often". It's been almost three hours and things have surprisingly been going my way so far. Instead-this-will-happens have happened and this-will-never-happen-agains haven't. So, let's see.

an angel giving her my blessing. Fly away, my sweet bird,

2009-01-25T06:01:00.000-08:00

I have abandonment issues... even though I'm the one who always disappears.

her, in so many ways. And I wanted to kiss her forehead like

2009-01-20T12:40:00.000-08:00

What would happen if your life ever got canceled?

What would happen if your life reached a 100 episodes and was syndicated? Would you have to re-live the same experiences over and over again like a broken record stuck on repeat?

what she reminded me of. She wasn't my friend, she just looked like

2009-01-12T15:44:00.003-08:00

I sing a song with no lyrics.

her hair, wondering what it was,

2009-01-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

He was already dead when I got there.

Please stop blaming me.

I lost him too.

(I was thinking about this the other day... I don't know why it came to me since I've never experienced it, but I thought I should write a character in one of my books who has... then I realised, I already have. That's why it came to me.)

sense it, like a wolf, as I approached and sniffed

2009-01-07T13:58:00.000-08:00

I never told you this, but you remind me of God in a way. You're just as fucked-up a concept as he is. I wish I could believe you didn't exist either.

I knew she didn't mean it. I could

2009-01-03T13:05:00.000-08:00

- What's the most depressing thing that's ever happened to you?
- I found out that Father Christmas wasn't real. Oh, and God too. And the tooth fairy. And the devil.

"Happy new year, she said, but

2009-01-01T09:57:00.000-08:00

If God was a DJ indeed, life would be an endless Massive Attack song: eerie, fragmental and never dull.

The Void 15Z

2008-12-31T17:51:00.000-08:00

Another friend abandoned her.

And then there were none.

The Void 26Y

2008-12-30T10:38:00.001-08:00

What happens when your life jumps the shark?

The Void 25X

2008-12-27T15:04:00.000-08:00

I wish I'd known the day before the day. Even the people you believe in and trust the most can disappoint you. And it hurts, doesn't it?

The Void 24W

2008-12-25T03:31:00.000-08:00

Life is like a game of Snakes and Ladders, only their numbers are not equal on the border, and you can hardly see the finish.

The Void 23V

2008-12-24T14:08:00.000-08:00

I'm emotionally dry. And I can't help but wish I was drowning in feelings instead... so I cry a river. But it doesn't mean a thing. It won't rinse me.

The Void 22U

2008-12-22T14:03:00.000-08:00

Oh, darling... You will always be important to me. But you will not be the most important person in my life as I have yet to live it.

The Void 21T

2008-12-22T12:16:00.001-08:00

Even if I'm gone tomorrow, I'll always be here. This moment lasts a moment, but that moment is forever.

The Void 20S

2008-12-22T11:56:00.000-08:00

I wish there was a God and I wish he'd understand.

The Void 19R

2008-12-21T14:09:00.001-08:00

Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too?
Are they bleeding all your colours into one?
And have you come undone as if you've been run through?
Some catapult, it fired you.
You wonder if your chance will ever come, or if you're stuck in

SQUARE ONE.

The Void 18Q

2008-12-17T04:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday seems so far away. Today seems so long and precious. Tomorrow seems so painful.

And they all entail the same thing: a volatile stride of empty minutes during which nothing will be discovered or felt. Just... the void.

THe Void 17P

2008-12-16T15:20:00.000-08:00

I was waiting, I was waiting for so long... but nothing happened. Nothing came and nothing changed, and now I'm tired. I thought I could read the signs, I thought the world was trying to tell me something... but all it told me was to fuck off because there was nothing.

And I've stopped waiting. That's why I'm cold.
And I've stopped waiting. That's why I'm numb.

The Void 16O

2008-12-15T14:26:00.000-08:00

I'm cold; I'm numb; I'm everyone's boxing sack and I wish I could feel the punches.

The Void 14N

2008-12-13T12:05:00.000-08:00

I've become so numb lately, I can barely feel my presence. It's almost like I don't exist within this realm, like I'm someone else and nothing can touch me. Things happen, things I should be [insert feeling] about, but I'm not. I'm 100% indifferent. Maybe all those years I experienced emotions so vividly and strongly that I've reached my quota. Maybe I reached such a critical point in my life that it's not safe for me to feel right now because I'd break down if I did. I don't know what's going on, but what I know is that my emotions are not gone; every night, I dream I'm reacting the way I'm supposed to to all those things that have happened.

PKJ13M

2008-12-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

In my life I have survived an earthquake, a fire and a riot. I have survived two car accidents and I've also nearly drowned twice, but I survived again. I've survived break-ups, dramas and frienemies, I have survived loneliness and isolation, and I've also survived inexplicable days when I somehow was determined I was gonna die during them.

I can survive almost anything.

(But, please, my dear Cosmos, stop testing that theory.)

12L

2008-12-10T13:10:00.000-08:00

You've got to be joking. That's the third time? That's the charm? Well, universe, you can fuck off.

The universe has once again proved to be a moron. And I'm an idiot for believing in it.

The Void 11K

2008-12-09T07:22:00.001-08:00

Physicists claim that white is the presence and black is the absence of all colours. Artists claim the exact opposite. Who do you think is right?

And more importantly, what about grey? What is grey?

The Void 10J

2008-12-09T06:59:00.000-08:00

As it seems, society's raison d'être is to solve the problems that its own existence magnifies.

How ironic.

The Void 9I

2008-12-08T16:04:00.000-08:00

Some people are lonely and depressed... There's nothing funny or pathetic about it. I used to be one of 'em when I was younger; does that make me pathetic too?

So this is what it's like living in a world that's going down the drain. Somehow, I had pictured it more frightening. Scientists have it right after all: there are some short moments of euphoria as you choke to death and drown.

The Void 8H

2008-12-08T13:20:00.000-08:00

My shaman is always so positive I feel bad for being such a cynic. But then again, I wasn't always that way; that's gotta say something.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The city's on fire and I'm wondering why you're not answering. Maybe I don't deserve happiness after all.

The Void 8H

2008-12-07T04:13:00.001-08:00

The world is supposed to be depressing. It has to make sure that no one is happy in a place where people die.

The Void 7G

2008-12-07T04:12:00.000-08:00

Hospitals are supposed to be depressing. They have to make sure no one is happy in a place where people die.

The Void 6F

2008-12-06T16:15:00.000-08:00

Five years ago I wouldn't have imagined how far I would've come today. It makes tomorrow seem a little less scary and a little more hopeful.

The Void 5E

2008-12-05T01:34:00.000-08:00

You should never hurt the feelings of a writer. Especially one who's a Scorpio. It might take years, but someday you'll regret it.

The Void 4D

2008-12-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

Today I realised that everyone I love someday will die.

It hurt.

The Void 3C

2008-12-02T03:37:00.001-08:00

When you woke up that morning high and dry, broken inside like a record, you thought your life was going to change. You thought, "how much lower can it get?"

Let me tell you this: life is creative. It will find new lows for you.

Don't let it.

The Void 2B

2008-12-01T15:12:00.000-08:00

Life gives and takes things away. It just sort of seems to prefer taking.

The Void 1A

2008-12-01T13:41:00.000-08:00

People who love you hurt you the most... because they know exactly where to hit.

Isn't my life tired of repeating itself? History turns pale before it.

PKJ23

2008-11-30T10:15:00.000-08:00

The most confident-looking people are usually the most insecure.

I learned that the hard way.

PKJ22

2008-11-30T07:12:00.000-08:00

Time means nothing and I'm sick of waiting for it to do anything for me. I need change, today. I need change, now.

I'm so tired of expecting you to treat me with dignity and respect. I'm so tired of forgiving the same mistakes.

I wish misery made sense. Your mystery doesn't cut it; there's nothing meaningful behind it.

PKJ21

2008-11-29T15:11:00.001-08:00

Does it have to?

PKJ20

2008-11-29T15:08:00.001-08:00

Life of leaves.

PKJ19

2008-11-29T15:07:00.000-08:00

I would feel so much better, if someone could just explain to me... why.

Honestly, I could've killed you tonight.

PKJ18

2008-11-29T00:51:00.001-08:00

In a world where there is music, there is hunger as well. If god exists, he's not perfect.

PKJ17

2008-11-27T14:03:00.001-08:00

Am I real, or am I the reaction to what others think I am?

PKJ16

2008-11-27T01:42:00.001-08:00

Imagine living your life backwards: knowing the pain your actions are going to cause you and being unable to not do them because you've already suffered their consequences.

Scary, isn't it?

PKJ15

2008-11-26T01:48:00.000-08:00

Years go by so fast... and why do they seem better looking back? Maybe life would be happier if we'd already lived it and just spent fragments of time in several points of it every day.

PKJ14

2008-11-23T03:45:00.000-08:00

Recently I've been changing so much, I don't even recognise me.

But the new me recognises himself, so who gives a shit about the old one, right?

PKJ13

2008-11-19T13:43:00.000-08:00

Eventually, I'll work it out. I usually do. It's just the meanwhile that scares me.

PKJ13

2008-11-19T10:26:00.005-08:00

and it's a story that might bore you, but you don't have to listen, because I always knew it was gonna be like this.

Of course.

PKJ12

2008-11-19T10:26:00.001-08:00

PKJ11

2008-11-18T13:29:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt that thing where everything's right but something is wrong and you can't put your finger on it exactly, but you know it inside because something's gotta be wrong for you to be feeling this way because it doesn't make sense, everything's OK, everything's going well, sort of, there's a couple of things that could go wrong but they haven't yet and just the thought of them going wrong makes your stomach turn and you know that if you just stop, just stop thinking about it things will be fine because everything's bloody right and nothing is bloody wrong, but who knows because every time everything's OK something goes wrong and you're just used to it, you're used to expecting it and this time, things are certainly prone to, uhm, going wrong?

Yeah, I know. But I needed to say that.

PKJ10

2008-11-16T13:53:00.000-08:00

We don't exist. Do we?

PKJ9

2008-11-16T05:43:00.001-08:00

I just can't get you out of my head.

I'm just so bloody open-minded, everything gets in.

PKJ8

2008-11-15T11:17:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time there was a little boy.

He got run over by a speeding car and bled to death on the sidewalk.

And they lived happily ever after.

(That's where your happy ending went.)

PKJ7

2008-11-14T17:36:00.001-08:00

You're a fucking asshole.

Which really doesn't make sense because an asshole doesn't fuck.

So technically you're a fucked asshole.

And screw you.

PKJ6

2008-11-14T12:09:00.001-08:00

I'm smarter than you.

But you're as stupid as a cow, so whatever.

PKJ5

2008-11-14T12:05:00.000-08:00

What doesn't kill you... might be taking its time, so be patient.

PKJ4

2008-11-13T13:18:00.001-08:00

He said he didn't want to be alone

but when I offered to protect him

he just laughed.

PKJ3

2008-11-13T12:23:00.001-08:00

When everyone forgets something, does it cease to exist? What happens to us once no one remembers us? Maybe babies have it right after all; things are there only when we can see them.

Would the world disappear if everyone in it simultaneously forgot it was there?

PKJ2

2008-11-12T15:03:00.001-08:00

Well, for starters, you're an idiot.

If pictures show us like they do, is that who we are?

PKJ1

2008-11-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

Just once, I wish that life would prove me wrong.